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Wednesday, March 16, 2016

In the Wee Hours


I have a sleep disorder, delayed sleep phase disorder, that means that I wake up around 11am or later and go to bed around 3am. 

It's strange to be up in the wee hours after everyone has gone to sleep. It's hours of time that I have to myself and have never really known what to do with. 

I read, of course. I've always loved reading. I also have late night talks with the insomniacs in my life as well as the Israelis and British friends abroad. 

My husband handles my son waking up. Like his father, my son is a morning person rising every day now thanks to daylight savings time at sometime between 7 and 8am. I'm not up until 11am or after. 

Right now I am in bed typing on my phone after just having finished Lady Midnight, the latest in.... I still love young adult fiction. It reminds me of long ago, of being a high school English teacher to students who long now been adults themselves. 

Now it's only 1am and there are miles to go before I sleep. 

Friday, March 11, 2016

The Color of Us: 50+ books about Mixed Race Families

Check out this amazing list of books featuring mixed race families:

50+ Picture Books about Mixed Race Families

Almost all the of these books are on Amazon for purchase. They're also now on my son's birthday wish list as there is almost nothing he likes to do more than "read" books to himself or have books read to him.

My son is a only a little darker than my husband me. And I never saw faces like mine in books. Sure, it's difficult for Mickey Mouse to share my racial and ethnic identities but far and beyond, anthropomorphic or not, most of the characters of the books I read were white. In fact, correction, ALL of the characters were white. However this did not hold true for television, where I saw the Cosby family and Will Smith as the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. And of course, television was also the one place to see other Hispanics on Univision. But I was too young or too sheltered to even expect to be represented in books.

In my mid-teens, my aunt pointed out that when I drew portraits or other figures from life or magazine, I drew only white women. At that point in my life, I was in high school studying fashion illustration. My first response in all cluelessness was "Well, the paper's white."  As it turned out after her comment, I started to love draw striking people of all ethnicities and races. I started drawing African-Americans and Latinas more and more.





Monday, March 7, 2016

Overscheduled and Scared: Life without Morphine

In an attempt to get out of the house, I've now become over-scheduled. Once a week, it's Mommy & Me music class. Twice a week, it's swim lessons for my son. Twice a week, it was (see emphasis, WAS) Mommy & Me yoga with my son. And then there's twice a week with a personal trainer to cope with the daunting task of staying in shape without hurting myself at the gym while having Ehlers Danlos. It's been all about quantity, not quality and getting outside the box...aka my actual home.

So far, I'm having a rough transition at this stay-at-home mommy thing. I wrongly--don't laugh--thought that being a Mom would be a gateway into a whole new group of friends. Mom friends. I've made a bunch online. Don't get me wrong. I am THE QUEEN of online support groups because you have to be when you live with chronic pain and are basically chained to your home. But as far as things go, in person, I'm still struggling. I've made one friend in the past 11 months and the jury's still out on friend number two. Someone likened making friends as an adult to dating and I was never very good at dating. I'm still not quite sure how I ended up married. Right place at the right time.

Now I don't know where my schedule or my need to have friends is going now that I'm about to make the big leap OFF of morphine. I was put on morphine after having my son. Yes, that's quite a step up from the regular here and there Percocet tablet. It's striking when your doctor tells you that he thinks you have such terrible pain you should be on morphine.

Unfortunately, it's also just as striking to figure out slowly while you're on it that he's right but that the side effects may be too much for you. Side effects of morphine and/or related medication: Zombie Aliza! A general numbness about life that does not abate no matter what you do and bonus points for the lack of sleep that morphine politely covers up daily. And so, we're going off the morphine that has kept us regular and almost but not quite "normal" for the past year.

Monday, February 29, 2016

Losing it

I'm losing it. No, really, I'm not and that's part of the problem.

Don't worry, I'm no talking about my mind. I'm talking about my waistline. I've successfully lost 50 pounds in the not-so-distant past (2014) but in 2015, while pregnant, I gained 60 pounds. In the numbers game that is losing and gaining weight during pregnancy, I obviously didn't do so well.

Now I'm trapped at 203 pounds. If you had ever told me that I would weigh this much, I would have called you a liar. At my highest weight before gaining weight from methadone for pain in 2013, I weighed 140 pounds. I had 20 pounds to lose. I miss those days. A LOT. Now I have close to 70 pounds to lose.

This week was my first time trying IdealShape meal replacement shakes but everyone says I should have gotten Shakeology. I think I would rather give up meat again and go back to my Amy's meals, vegetarian meals that I used to eat three times a day that helped me lose weight. The only shake I want to be drinking is a milkshake and I've only had two in the past 11 months which might have been two too many.

Sunday, February 28, 2016


Is anyone else watching Fuller House in the middle of the night while trying to figure out how to blog. I don't think I remember how to DO THIS THING.

While I was pregnant, I was FINALLY diagnosed PROPERLY (being properly diagnosed has been like a trend with me the last few years) with a sleep disorder, delayed sleep phase, so I get up around 11am and I go to bed around 3am.

Now, I have all these hours of the day after bedtime to myself but not sure what to do with them now. Everything feels different now that I have a baby. I always feel like I should be doing something even when I'm just trying to relax. Is it just me?

Meanwhile, I'm trying to juggle swim lessons, art classes and various Mommy & Me classes during the week. I think it's possible that I'm juggling a little too much. Or too little. Can't decide.